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July25,2005

"grey day" music: Frank Sinatra - Dancing Cheek to Cheek
mood: unsatisfied

my day was so grey. from the sky to the mood to the day's activities. it was all so grey! even the converse shoes i want now were grey! lol. i guess everything went flat when i woke up late. i hate starting the day late, because i feel like i've already missed out on a lot, even if it's only an hour or so.

anyhow, i met up with jenny z from Hoover sixth grade! omg, we hadnt seen each other for almost...six years! she found me again on facebook and we started chatting again, haha. we had lunch at UCSF, had a nice little talk before she had to go back to work at the lab. it was a nice reunion.

i really didnt do much else in the afternoon. i tried to get all my bowdoin forms filled out, but it turned out that half of them were medical evaluations that had to be filled out by my physician. thank goodness i'm going this friday. too bad the forms are already late, lol. postmark by july 20th? whoops!

it's really hard to absorb the fact that i'm really leaving in less than a month. i bought luggage yesterday, but i think i'm gonna need more. my peacoat alone takes up a good deal of space. not to mention all this hiking gear i have to bring now for the preO trip. absolutely insane....i really should start thinking about what to pack. i need to stop thinking of this as a short vacation. it's hard because i'm realizing that for these next four years, i'm not gonna have a home. i mean, yes, i have my parents house. but it's not gonna be home, not really. who knows if i'm really coming back next summer? and bowdoin residency isnt exactly home. college is just temporary living space when you think about it. so when i think about it, it feels like i'm really gonna be living out of the suitcase these next four years. and that's scary. time to swallow the truth and totally accept the fact that i'm leaving possibly for good. ::sigh::

the hardest part though, is realizing how much i havent done. i havent done many of the things i wanted to do, and i havent spent time with the people i care about most. time is running out like mad. as i wrote to a dear friend today, i quote from andrew marvel: "But at my back I always hear /
Time's winged chariot hurrying near." i think father time is catching up.