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September22,2005

"just catching up" music: Madonna - What it feels like for a girl (Paul Oakenfold rmx)
mood: iffy

i cant believe it's taking me more than an hour to finish my greek homework. then again, i tend to always do this....you know, wait for the weekend to catch up with my work. it's not like i'm actually behind....it's more like languages require extra time. i dont mind, nor do i find those classes dull. i'm just bad with time management i suppose. i dont know why i'm taking three languages really, because frankly, as much as i want to be a lawyer, i'm not sure if i really want to master two ancient (not to mention strictly literary) languages when i could be learning conversational romance languages like french or italian. it really does amaze me still when i'm doing my latin translations and i realize how much i know already. i can read most of what i'm translating and understand the grammar, although translating it into good English is another story, haha. greek is slowly sticking to my head...SLOWLY. it's just hard to get used to the alphabet i guess. chinese is going fairly well. the characters stay in my head, so good for me! i can write basic sentences that really mean nothing! XD i hope i catch up to the 200 level chinese course. i just have to memorize a shitload of characters...something like 700-900 by the end of this semester.

anyhow, i dont know why i've been feeling off lately. i just feel incredibly aloof. maybe it's just temporary stress, anxiety, or who knows, but i just feel off. i guess it's hitting me that this is the real deal. i met with professor morgan the other day in his awesome office in hubbard tower (omg, a spiral staircase leads to his office and keeps going up to the top...it's so CLASSIC) to discuss the Columbia Law program as an option for me, and holy crap, i'm just....overwhelmed. i mean, i just....i dont know. it sounds like the perfect thing for me: i know what i want to do, and it's only beneficial to me. but the commitment....and the fact that i might want more and never get it is holding me back. then again, what more could i ask for? i dont want to go into the details of the program, but for those of you who are in the LAC's on the east coast, like williams, amherst, etc. you probably know what i'm talking about. it's not like it's so easy to get accepted, but holy crap, can you imagine what that'd be like? can i even imagine?

i know that's semesters ahead and i've just barely started my life here at bowdoin, but i'm just stuck in a rut i guess. everything seems to be going really well for me so far. i thank God everyday that he directed me to this school. i mean, what more can i really ask for? just a crazy streak of luck??! huge dorm room, wonderful floormates, fantastic classes, and bonuses like my job, music....so why am i feeling dissatisfied?

i just hope that this feeling is as evanescent as the other times. for now, i think i'll look forward to my weekend.