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June23,2006

"cars" music: Jeff Buckley - Hallelujah
mood: broken

cars was a good family movie. another success from pixar, another night of cute laughter, and the best part was i got to watch it with pamela. i love my sister.

i woke up at 7:30am, the usual i suppose on a weekday, regardless of how many hours of sleep i actually get. i hate the construction outside my window. the fog doesnt help my mood either. i think i need to go downtown today just to absorb some sunshine. chinatown might not be such a bad idea either.

i dont know why i'm giving up. i feel absolutely lost again. talking to christine yesterday reminded me of how much i miss my bowdoin buddies. without them, i wouldve never survived there. yet here at home, everytime evan drives me, i look around outside and fall in love with the city night lights, the ocean, the views. san francisco is one of the most beautiful cities in the world. new york may have the nightlife, boston may have the river, but san francisco has ocean, hills with topnotch views, and a perfect mixture of the fast-paced urban lifestyle with the quieter suburban neighborhoods. where i live, i'm in one of the biggest, boring residential neighborhoods, but i'm within walking distance (3-7 blocks) of some of the city's best restaurants and cafes. while some people drive to my neighborhood for dinner, i have the pleasure of walking there whenever i want. it's so perfect. this is what makes things difficult, when i realize how much i love this city, but at the same time, i feel the need to get away. that's what makes this so difficult. but without him, i wouldve never survived this past year either. i just wish our futures were clear so that i'd have nothing to worry about.