wuhan, hubei
music: jack's mannequin - bruised
mood: complacent
I've been avoiding my blog for a long time now, but I finally decided to come back and well, update my life digitally. The end of my semester was a nightmare, but because I survived it, I feel more empowered than ever before. For an entire week, I survived on Rockstar Energy drinks and Skittles, writing papers frantically and cramming for final exams probably to no avail. In the end, I came out fine, not superb, but not a failure. I don't mind anymore. At least, I don't want to care anymore. My life was never perfect, but then again, I have never been satisfied with anything.
I'm in the P.R.C. right now, spending time with family and teaching English on the side. A good friend suggested that I should update my travels in my blog, but because I left the USB connector to my camera at home, I feel that my blog for China this summer wouldn't be very interesting without photographs. Instead, I will provide a detailed recollection of my travels when I come back to the States. For now, I will simply share a fragment of my experience here.
This summer was my last opportunity to travel for personal pleasure. I figured this out when I realized that the 2008 elections will probably consume much of my last summer before graduation. Thus in January, I started to plan my trip to Wuhan for the summer. Why Wuhan? It's my parent's hometown, my guxiang. When I was really young, my parents would tell me about Wuhan before the Revolution, reminiscing about our family history, political ties, and culture. From their stories, it was clear that they had a longing for their home, one that I would never see. For most of my life, Wuhan was a faraway place with family that I could only hope to meet one day, a dream that would never be achieved because of limited financial resources and political distresses. Yet last year, I decided that I would come back here to Wuhan because dreams can't ever be achieved without action, without taking risks and transforming ideas into reality. After all, we're financially better off than before, and there is nothing at risk politically for our family anymore.
After about a half year of planning, I finally flew over here in June, taking the yingwo from Beijing for nine hours into Wuhan. After about two days of traveling, I finally met my dad's side of the family for the first time.
I don't really know how to describe the experience emotionally. I'm not that emotional anymore, and tears come rarely for me unless someone or something is powerful enough to move me. Meeting family that I thought I would never meet should be something powerful, but it wasn't for me. If anything, it was natural. It was like coming home. Perhaps that's powerful in its own way, I can't be sure. All I know is that family is family, it's exactly what I've grown up with, and not even language barriers exist between us. I speak four dialects of Chinese, and I blend in with the local people here. I have received strange looks from people when they notice my height and brown hair, my casual clothing style and Audrey Hepburn tote. But when I open my mouth to speak, they treat me as one of their own, because despite my American upbringing, I am Wuhanese in culture, tradition, and language. In fact, it's harder for them to accept that English is truly my mother tongue, and not Chinese.
Teaching English has also been a good experience, particularly because my students are graduate students and professors of Tongji Medical College. Tongji was founded by a German doctor in Shanghai, before they moved here to Wuhan. It is the most prestigious medical university here in Hubei province, and one of the most distinguished in the country. It is also affiliated with Huazhong University of Science and Technology, my father's alma mater, and one of the top 5 universities in the P.R.C. Being in a very academic environment once more, I am surrounded by professors and students who value education much differently than me. As a result, I have learned a lot from my students, from discussing societal differences between China and the United States with them while correcting their grammar and pronunciation along the way. I predict that I will come out of this experience with a refreshed view of these two different societies, and how both will interact this century in politics and economic relations.
My parents have been taught that success is a dream that only a few can achieve in their lifetimes. However, my own experiences have shaped my perspective to see success not as a distant dream, but as the present. I realized that I can't keep dreaming and talking about my future, I need to live it. So here I am, in the hottest of China's Three Furnaces, enjoying time with family, regaining many lost hours of sleep, and forgetting my financial troubles, my academic struggles, and everything else that has been an unnecessary burden on my back.
I hope all of you are having wonderful summers, and I look forward to coming back to San Francisco in three weeks, refreshed, enlightened a bit more, and well, exhausted from the traveling. Til next time, au revoir.
jessica on 06.23.07 @ 02:18 AM GMT [link]